Stuck Between “I Want To” and “I’m Not Sure”: Working Through Ambivalence with Motivational Interviewing
“What I love about Motivational Interviewing is that it trusts the process of change. As a therapist, I don’t see my role as telling someone where to go—but as walking beside them while they listen for their own inner compass. MI helps grow awareness around what’s motivating, what’s blocking, and how to move toward what matters.”
- Emily Hackenburg, FNP
Motivational Interviewing (MI) is a flexible, evidence-based technique that can be integrated into almost any therapeutic approach and focuses on the process of change itself.
It’s especially useful when someone feels stuck—when part of them is ready to move forward and another part is hesitant, unsure, or stuck. That tension, known as ambivalence, is one of the most common (and most misunderstood) parts of personal growth.
It’s especially useful when someone feels stuck—when part of them is ready to move forward and another part is hesitant, unsure, or stuck.
That tension, known as ambivalence, is one of the most common (and most misunderstood) parts of personal growth.
You might know the feeling:
You’ve considered starting therapy. You’ve bookmarked a few provider websites, maybe even filled out an intake form—but never hit send.
Or you’ve told yourself it’s time to exercise more, have that difficult conversation, or cut back on something that’s no longer serving you. But despite knowing that change might help, something’s holding you back.
That push-and-pull isn’t a sign of laziness or failure. It’s a natural—and meaningful—part of how we engage with change.
Motivational Interviewing is a collaborative style of communication that supports people in exploring their own reasons for change—without pressure, judgment, or persuasion.
Rather than trying to convince someone (or yourself) to “just do it,” MI helps you:
Notice and honor conflicting motivations
Clarify what matters most to you
Build confidence to take meaningful steps forward
It’s a respectful, person-centered process that assumes:
- People are more likely to change when they feel understood—not coerced
- Lasting change is more likely when it’s internally motivated
- Ambivalence is not a barrier—it’s a starting point
MI can be especially helpful during transitions, behavior changes, or treatment decisions. It works by slowing down the process, helping people reflect, and supporting readiness at whatever stage it arises.
Why Ambivalence Is So Common
Ambivalence is the space between intention and action—and most of us spend a lot of time there.
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why can’t I just commit already?” it might help to recognize what you’re actually weighing:
- Past efforts that didn’t go well
- Fear of letting go of a familiar pattern, even if it’s uncomfortable
- A behavior that provides temporary relief or stability
- The risk of vulnerability or disappointment
- Uncertainty about what the change might bring
Rather than shutting these concerns down, MI invites space to explore them. The process helps identify what’s protecting you, what’s motivating you, and what might be possible if you move forward with intention.
How MI Supports the Work of Therapy
In a therapeutic setting, MI doesn’t replace a therapist’s core modality—it enhances it. Whether someone is processing trauma, managing anxiety, navigating addiction, or contemplating medication changes, MI helps clarify the emotional and cognitive landscape of change.
Therapists using MI aren’t directive in the traditional sense. Instead, they:
- Offer reflections rather than advice
- Ask open-ended questions that invite deeper self-understanding
- Help clients recognize discrepancies between their values and current behavior
- Support autonomy and self-efficacy
Rather than rushing toward action, MI makes room for insight and choice. The pace is intentional.
Questions to Explore When You’re Feeling Stuck
If you’re caught in a cycle of “I want to, but…”—these prompts can help clarify what’s going on internally:
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“What’s one thing I wish were different in my life?”
“If I made this change, what might improve—emotionally, physically, relationally?”
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“What do I find comforting or necessary about how things are now?”
“What feels risky, uncertain, or threatening about changing?”
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“When I imagine staying on the same path, how does that feel in my body?”
“What would it feel like to give this a real try, just for a while?”
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“On a scale of 0–10, how ready do I feel to make a shift?”
“Why am I at that number—not lower?”
“What’s one small thing that could increase that number by even one point?”
These kinds of questions can be explored in therapy, in a journal, or through quiet reflection. You don’t have to come up with answers right away—the act of asking can be a meaningful start.
Small Steps Matter
MI holds the view that people don’t need to be 100% ready to begin—they just need a spark of willingness.
That could look like:
- One conversation—with a friend, a provider, or yourself
- One small action—sending an email, setting a reminder, writing a goal down
- One internal shift—from avoidance to curiosity
- Small steps build momentum. Even uncertainty is part of the process.
Beginning the Conversation
If you’re feeling stuck between “I want to” and “I’m not sure,” you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out on your own.
At New York Integrative Psychiatry, our team integrates motivational interviewing across therapeutic approaches to support people in exploring what feels possible—without pressure or expectation. We work with people at all stages of readiness, helping them build clarity, confidence, and connection as they move toward meaningful change.